Maybe it Was the Fourth Gin and Tonic....

Each Tuesday I will be posting a short story of an event that has occurred in the office the past week that may be memorable, embarrassing, or offensive in nature. If nothing too scandalous has occurred I will share a story from the recent past that may or may not still be relevant. This event took place on September 20th, 2007 but its ramifications have lasted until today, and beyond.

I'm not gonna lie, last night I went big. I'm pretty sure we were celebrating something, but at this point I really don't remember what it was. I was told that I fell asleep around 4:45am, and amazingly woke up this morning and made it to work on time. The first thing I notice when I creepily sneak to my desk is that we have a meeting with some corporate suits in two hours, which would usually be enough time to subside the hangover with coffee and anti-depressants, but not this morning. I try to recap the multitude of beverages I downed last night, a Wednesday mind you...

5:12pm: Two beers at home while changing and waiting to go out
5:22pm: Eight 10oz beers at Mexican restaurant
7:04pm: Shot of tequila
7:32pm: Gin and tonic, first drink at new bar
7:55pm: Shot of something fruity but seemingly potent that I did not order
8:32pm: Gin and tonic
8:55pm: Gin and tonic
9:25pm: Gin and tonic
9:44pm: Shot of tequila
9:59pm: Red Bull and vodka (double)

***Needless to say, I haven't eaten anything at this point. This may have been my downfall. My wallet also feels kinda light.***

10:31pm: Order another Red Bull and vodka four seconds after I spilled my last one. Bartender considers cutting me off
10:40pm: Ask my friend to get me a gin and tonic. He promptly returns with a glass of water disguised as a gin and tonic. I can't tell the difference.
11:08pm: Irish carbomb.

***Around this time is when I blacked out, and everything that happened the rest of the night did not exist in my mind. Apparently we stayed out until 1am and then drank at my place until close to 5am. None of this rings a bell.***

Well my meeting is looming, and although my attendance is required, I will not be an integral part. I'm not sure why I have to be at most of these meetings, since I contribute nothing and rarely pay attention. For what it's worth though, I scan the addendum just in case someone puts me on the spot, and while doing so notice something about my outfit. In my hazy preparation for the day this morning I seem to have made a mistake while dressing. I'm wearing my black suit pants, a standard white dress shirt, and my blue pin-stripe suit jacket. I look like a complete idiot.

Somehow, someway, I grabbed the wrong jacket. There's no way I can go to this meeting sans jacket, that would be worse than the alternative, so I have to start thinking outside the box. After a few minutes, it comes to me...

The meeting is in 20 minutes, not enough time to drive home and change, but plenty of time to formulate a brilliant scheme. I take off my jacket and throw it over my arm while briskly walking in the direction of the conference room with the appropriate files and today's Washington Post crossword. After entering the empty room I sit down at a chair on the far end of the room and begin the puzzle. One by one, big wigs enter the room with whom I engage in pleasantries and some harmless chit-chat. The majority of the people in my office are blown away with the fact that I'm the first person to the meeting, and my boss immediately gives a perplexed look that seems to say 'This idiot hasn't been on-time for a meeting in 12 months, somethings fishy'. Anyway, this was one super meeting, which included so many PowerPoint slides that I deleted the program when I got back to my computer, just so I never have to inflect that sort of pain on someone. I remained pretty complacent through most of it.

During this meeting, no one, not even the two gentlemen sitting to either side of me, realized my dressing blunder. I was in the clear. To finish off my plan I remained seated after the meeting completed, pretending to take extra notes in my file until everyone had exited. While I walked back to my desk, head held high in praise for my seemingly brilliant plan, I bumped into Stan who said, "Steve, do you realize you're wearing the wrong suit jacket? Hold on, Henry, you gotta see this!" By the time Henry could come out of his cube however, I was halfway to my desk, stuffing my jacket into the top drawer and claiming that Stan is drunk at work again. Again, we all make mistakes at work, and the key to avoiding an early retirement is to prevent anyone from knowing that these mistakes ever existed.