Mailbag!

Yesterday I decided to sift through the multitude of emails that our cantbefired@gmail.com account has received over the past week (we've gotten one email and it was from my personal account just checking to see if our cantbefired email actually worked). There was some praise, a little whimsical banter, and a whole lotta hate. I decided to answer a few of these in a post I like to call, The Mailbag (it's the end of the week and originality isn't going to be my stronghold today).

Dear Peddler,

What's your stance on talking politics in the office? With the upcoming election I feel like everyone is throwing around their two cents and I'm not sure what to make of it. Love your site by the way!

-Jacob, NH

Jake,

Unless I am extremely bored at work I try not to have any conversations with coworkers that hold any relevance to anything in the world. Sports and celebrity gossip are okay because they're harmless, but I would well advise you to stay away from politics and religion. These two issues get people fired up if you disagree with them, and then all of the sudden your ham sandwich is swiped from the fridge. I've seen it a thousand times. Here are a few ways to know which people in your office to avoid having these discussions with.

-The man or woman who has decorated their office or cubicle in political flair. If they have three or more OBAMA FOR CHANGE pins hanging on their wall, this means they are either insecure or they like to advertise their ideals with the world. Little do they know, that no one actually cares.
-The coworker that comes up to you in the morning and asks, "Hey, did you catch that debate last night? WOW, what a turn around for Hillary!" Ok partner, a couple things: A) No, I didn't catch the debate last night, it was a Tuesday so I was obviously out getting hammered, and B) I just went to cnn.com and the headline read "What a Turn Around for Hillary." Please come up with your own opinions and stop spitting rhetoric.
-I won't even get into religion, because that may cause a holy war within our readership, but I will tell you that I observe every major religion. That way I get to take off about 23 days a year just for religious purposes. For instance, Monday is the Mexican holiday Battle of Puebla, or as we refer to it, Cinco de Mayo. I will be working from home that day in remembrance of my fallen chico's.

Peddler,

I recently had to take a sexual harassment course for work that lasted eight weeks and the only thing I learned was don't even talk to anyone in the office because you will be arrested. My problem is that there is a cute young lady who sits next to me and I would like to ask her out, but I don't want to get fired. Please help.

-Mike, FL

Mikey,

I really should dedicate a post a week on this subject matter because it is extremely touchy and no one really knows how to view it in the corporate world. Women are making giant leaps throughout American society, which is amazing, but they are still viewed as sex objects by a majority of the men in this country. In our defense, if you'd stop wearing short skirts and leaving the top three buttons of your blouse open, then maybe we'd calm ourselves down a bit (please don't stop). That being said, just ask the girl out. Walk into any office in this country and you'll find at least one couple that met while working together, no matter how lame that idea is.

See, I don't use flirting at work to entice the opposite sex, I use it to get myself out of trouble and keep up the fact that I can't be fired. Linda, the down to earth, 40 year old secretary, is the first person I see in the morning. On days when my eyes are bloodshot and I wreak of Bud Light Lime (give it a shot people, stop being so close-minded) I make sure I have an extra coffee in hand, and she makes sure that my boss won't need anything from me until at least 11am. Just avoid being creepy, and you'll be fine.

Peddler,

I've noticed that your site is very PG-13 although it feels as though there should be more foul language, violence, and sex. What gives?

-Nancy, OR

Nance,

This site is not about lewd behavior and loose morals. It's about giving back to the society that has given me so little. In real life my persona is rated NC-17, but I have to tone it back when writing here, because this site isn't about that. This here is all about the kids. Most people in the workforce these days already know most of the advice I'm preaching. What I'm trying to do is reach eight year old Billy Badass who has dreams of being an IT Consultant one day, and needs guidelines of which to live by. And what kind of mentor would I be if every other story was about handjob's at happy hours, or handjob's at work retreats, or handjob's alone at my desk. I'm not that kind of guy, so if you're looking for that kind of humor, please go elsewhere. Besides, MacGyver didn't have any malicious content, and that show freaking rocked.

Mucho Gusto....Have a super happy weekend people.