Three Day Weekends

Fine, I'll admit it, I laid down on the post last Friday morning. I attached an article I thought was funny, added a few quips and comments, and hit the ole' send button. Not my finest hour.

In case you care, the reason for my absence was that I took a trip to the wonderful world of Dewey Beach, Delaware. If you break down my favorite places per decade of my life, it would go down something like this...

0-10 years old: Chuck E. Cheese
11-19: In front of a TV, watching sports
20-present: Dewey Beach

Dewey is basically a cross between the movie Endless Summer and the scene in Deep Impact where everyone is freaking out running through the streets screaming....Complete and pure anarchy. Despite the fact that it took off at least a year of my life, and last night I only slept twenty minutes due to having the severe shakes, it was all still worth it. But now comes the hard part, surviving Tuesday after a raucous three day weekend.

The first tip is to prepare. On Friday the week before you have to make sure you have absolutely nothing important scheduled on Tuesday. Some bosses are going to be ready to get back into the groove after missing a day of work, but you cannot allow this as you will not be anywhere near 100%. Push all meetings back to the afternoon, or better yet Wednesday, and then schedule fake conference calls all morning.

Tuesday morning you will have to be on your slacker A-game, which means no actual business can interfere. Coffee is a must, and internet surfing will be your primary source of entertainment, but you'll have to use all the tips we've discussed the past few weeks. Fake phone calls, leaving early, sleeping at your desk...This is the day where you need to somehow utilize all these tools, otherwise you won't make it without being reprimanded from the higher-ups.

Back to preparing. I took off work Friday with my excuse being that I felt sick and needed to go home and rest. This was a massive mistake that I did not foresee until I walked into the office. My boss thought I went home Friday to sleep from exhaustion of being sick and that I probably remained in bed most of the weekend. But then I show up Tuesday morning with a tan that looks like I've been sipping cocktails on a Caribbean island for the past three years. The boss is giving me suspicious eyes and Linda just said, "Whoa, Steve, great tan. Guess you had a fun Memorial Day" in direct earshot of his office. There's nothing like getting busted for lying about being sick, especially if you do it twice a month, so I gotta start thinking.

Finally he asked how I got such a superior tan, and I was already prepared with the "I did some yardwork around my house all weekend", which is a blatant lie since I don't do yardwork. As you can see here, I'm not perfect and one simple error can throw anyone into career jeopardy just like that. So remember, if you're going to the beach for the weekend, actually tell your boss you're going to the beach instead of lying. Your illustrious tan shade will give you away every time.