Corporation Department Guide

Today we will help out the new college graduates again by explaining what some of the major departments in an organization are responsible for. I will also discuss how attractive and approachable the women in each section are. And remember, no matter how different two companies might be in terms of what they do, they are all the exact same when it comes to structure and lameness. Let's dance...

HR - We'll start with this crew since it's the first group you'll meet, and the last you'll see when you leave. They basically sit in their thrones and make it blatantly obvious to everyone that they are the most important people in the company. If you need anything from an administrative standpoint you have to make a freaking reservation three weeks in advance just to have five minutes of their time. This is because they are usually busy setting up and attending birthday parties for people in the company, which includes ordering cake and decorating the room with glitter and other random wastes of money. I'm pretty sure that's all they do. The women in this department are usually attractive, but in a 'I can't put my finger on it hot'. Since they seek control in every aspect of their professional life, assume the same will happen in a relationship and in the bedroom.

Marketing - I've been working in the corporate environment for about 5 years now, and I still have no idea what these people do. And I'm not trying to put them down like I did HR, as I'm sure they actually do something. My problem with this group is they have this creative ego that rivals that of Michaelangelo. It's unlikely that you'll even be allowed into their section of the building since they will lock it down to preserve all the genius ideas they come up with on a daily basis. On a positive note, this is where you usually find the hottest women in the company, although on the flip side they are usually incredibly snotty and should be avoided at all costs.

Accounting - This is another group of people that think that their jobs are the sole reason that the company runs, even though they are not technically contributing to the revenue base of the organization. They are technically consultants that figure out what the revenue is from all the hard work of everyone else in the company, and then somehow convince people that it was their doing. These people amaze me. The women in this department tend to be a bit stuffy, but they will usually be the ones that get out of control drunk at the Christmas party and then quit the next Monday out of embarrassment. I just remembered that my mother is an accountant; I really hope she doesn't read this.

IT - Even though I work in IT, I'll admit that we are in the same realm as accounting and HR. We are there to assist the people in the company that actually do the work and create the revenue. We are the people that will set up your computer and then spy on what websites you go to in an attempt to use it as blackmail when we need something. I'm kidding kind of. But seriously, don't irritate us in anyway as we have way more power than people are aware of. I've ran into a few women in this department in my day and they are surprisingly attractive, and not as dorky as society would have you think.*

*Blatant lie

Sales - This is the group you need to befriend immediately. They may work a bit too hard for my taste, but boy do they love to party, and they're the ones that bring in the coin for the company. I would stay away from them at the office however, since many of them remind me of Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down, and could snap at any time. The women in this department are usually very free-spirited and tend to be semi-attractive. Their highest quality is that they will stay at the bar until last call, usually situated atop a bar table dancing to Eddie Money without their pants on. I would have to say this is my favorite group of ladies.

Payroll - The only people you have to be nice to in the entire company. And it doesn't matter what the women act or look like, just flirt with them no matter what, as they are the reason you were able to put the down payment on that money new Mazda you just leased.


I am leaving for Chicago today for a business/pleasure trip and will be returning next Tuesday. I have a very important meeting with my webmaster to discuss the sudden surge of hits the servers are getting from CBF. I will post as much as possible about the goings on of the great second city, and may even bring my camera to take some pictures of all the sights. And by sights I mean bars.