Debate Time: Perfume vs. Violent Cough

It's Monday morning. 9 a.m. You're recovering from a bender of epic proportions and the last thing you want to do is be at the office. But alas, you're dedicated to your craft and you make the trip in. These just happen to be the exact circumstances where something else in the office makes your day that much worse, and today we will debate on two of these annoyances. The lady wearing way too much crappy perfume vs. The guy in the office with a cough that resembles a jet airliner flying ten feet over your head.

Perfume:

A coworker of yours, normally a middle aged woman, mistakenly poured an entire bottle of perfume all over herself this morning. That must be the reason for this smell. No one in their right minds would ever think that this much scent is attractive.

Negatives:

-The smell makes it impossible to breathe, let alone surf the internet. If you attempt a deep breath the poison may enter your lungs and put you into cardiac arrest.
-Anything you drink (coffee, water, vodka) will inherently taste like perfume, which is a god awful mess. I would suggest putting a lid on any beverage you have and then crawling under your desk for each sip taken.
-You can't ever tell this woman that she's irritating you, it's way too offensive. Sadly, you will have to just put up with it for as long as she wants the world to suffer.

Pros:

-Most likely the smell will dissipate by lunchtime, so only your mornings will be ruined. Although, sometimes these crazy broads like to bring in a back-up bottle just for this reason. If you hear spritzing sounds around 1pm you have full rights to put KY Jelly all over her mouse, keyboard, and phone when she's gone.
-This is an event that is completely acceptable to discuss with coworkers, which can be very therapeutic since making up nicknames for the Stank Queen will give you hours of entertainment.
-One day douse yourself in your own scent of perfume/cologne and walk around her desk for a few hours. Hopefully she'll get the wafting aroma in her cube and discover the errors of her ways. Or she'll ask you to join her Perfume Club that meets at the YWCA on Tuesday nights and plays bridge while discussing Elizabeth Taylor movies.

Violent Cough:

Usually this event occurs from an older gentleman that still smokes a pack a day and hasn't exercised since Ford was in office. He's always sick and his cough is really twelve continuous sonic booms that echo off the thin cubical walls and into your ears.

Negatives:

-You will be on the edge of your seat in dreaded anticipation for every spasm this man has. Hopefully there will be a warning sign, like a throat clearing, but normally the whopping will just pounce on you.
-There will be an underlying thought in your head throughout his cough that will resemble, "Oh my god, what diseases does this guy have that are now flowing through the air and into my body. I'd be better off making out with Courtney Love."
-This isn't something you can discuss as openly with other coworkers. For some reason, in our society, it is frowned upon to insult people for their maladies. That's what this site is for I guess.

Pros:

-I really can't think of anything. The cough can last anywhere from two minutes to a year and a half so there's no telling when it will stop.
-You can't report this to the higher-ups or they'll think you're a sicko. Your best bet is to head over to Costco, buy one of those 40 count packs of Halls Vapor Drops, and place the entire thing on his seat when he leaves his desk. Anonymity is the name of the game on that one.
-At least you're not THAT guy.

I would have to say that despite all the cons of the perfumed crazy lady, at least she's only poisoning us with an awful scent, while Mr. Joe Camel might be giving me syphilis. Winner: Elizabeth Taylor.