MAILBAG!!!

Let's just get straight to the questions from these crazy kids...

Peddler,

I recently attended a work happy hour with an open bar and had a few too many. Let's just say I was flashing co-workers after each shot of tequila. Am I in trouble?

Christine, DE

Christine,

Look, this kind of thing happens to the best of us. Just to make you feel better, I'll tell a story of what happened to me at my old company's 2004 Christmas party. It was at a hotel in downtown D.C. and my date was my ex-girlfriend for some odd reason. This was my first mistake. We ended up both getting hammered in twenty minutes just to release the anxiety of hanging out together, which backfired since the booze just caused us to get into a massive fight in front of all 800 employees. The last thing I remember is throwing a bacon wrapped scallop in her face and telling her to leave, which wasn't the end of my night. The next morning a coworker called me to report that I got put into a cab by the CFO of the company after I spilled my double gin and tonic all over his wife's back.

But these kinda things happen, and as long as you don't hook up with a superior or dance naked on top of a bar, you'll be fine come Monday morning.

Peddler,

Just curious, what happened to Charles, the new employee you were training? We haven't received an update lately...

Greg, VA

Greg,

While I'm out doing reputable charity work during my non-work hours, people always ask me about Charles. I feel as though he is comparable to a sitcom character that has been killed off by the producers and all the fans are peeved about it. Well friends, fear not, Charles is still out there doing what he can for the company. About two weeks ago I went to the cafeteria to grab a quick bite and soon discovered that the credit card machine was down. As I never carry cash, I realized that I might be screwed and returned to my desk. After about 30 minutes of listening to my stomach grumble louder than Carter's fan, I had to eat something. I walked into the lunchroom and opened the fridge, looking for any source of nutrients I could find. After passing on the applesauce and half-eaten tuna casserole leftovers, I opened the freezer and found a Lean Cuisine turkey pot roast entree.

Thank goodness I don't have a conscience, because I tore that box open, threw it in the microwave, and devoured it at my desk. There were so many different items in the freezer I figured no one would miss the Lean Cuisine, but boy was I wrong. I was nearly done nibbling on the side order of green beans that came with this delicious meal when Charles strolls into my cube. This was a bit of a different situation as the fan story I told on Tuesday as I was caught red-handed, and Charles doesn't put up with this kind of behavior the way Carter does. I ended up having to go to an ATM machine and buying him lunch from the cafeteria that was probably twice the cost of his frozen meal, but I guess I deserved that. Although I was a bit perturbed when he walked up to the register with a bottle of Sierra Mist, since I'm pretty sure Lean Cuisine doesn't come with a beverage.

Other than that, the kid is moving along through his training quite nicely, despite my best intentions to screw him over by making him look like an incompetent employee.

Peddler,

All of the sudden our office is packed with college girls interning for my company. I know you stress that office romances are out of the question, but these lassies are only with us for a few months and then head back to school. Are they open for business?

Robby, TX

Rob,

One of the perks of taking the Metro in D.C. during the summer is the abundance and skanktitude (not a real word, but it should be) of the Capitol Hill interns. If you're a single guy with nothing to do on a hot Thursday afternoon, head to Bull Feathers or Hawk and Dove for a drink after work. You won't be displeased with the talent. Also, I guess when you're a 19 year old lady working in an office for the first time you don't understand the protocol's of the work outfit, because these girls look like they just came back from filming a scene for showmeyourstapler.com (not a real site, but it should be).

Here's the way I see it when it comes to the intern romance. As long as she's old enough, go for it. Just make sure you wait until the summer is ending and they're a few weeks away from heading back down to JMU. How do you determine if they're old enough? I use the old 7 scale, where you divide your age in half and add seven, which will let you know the youngest woman/girl you can court without being deemed creepy by our unconventional society. I'm 27, which means I can hang out with girls that are at or older than 20.5 years of age. This rule is the reason I can sleep at night after attending a Dave Matthews concert.

Have a great weekend. Go Lakers...

...or Celtics, I really don't care, the NBA is rigged.