Most likely you have a direct superior that you report to on a daily basis. And despite how much power you think he or she may have, they happen to be pawns in the game of life as well, because they too have a boss to report to. Depending on the size and scope of your company, their boss is probably a reasonably sized baller (baller (adj): someone that makes enough money to have you assassinated). This is the person in the company that you need to befriend.
You should obviously act respectful and attempt to gain trust from your direct boss, but there is only so much they can do in helping you up the corporate ladder. Besides, I’ve dealt with a few superiors that have intentionally blocked my movement in the company because they either a) absolutely hated me or b) kind of liked the work I did and didn’t want me to leave their department. Either scenario sucks for you.
Ah, but the big boss doesn’t care about this trivial nonsense. He wants the best of the best at the top of the food chain, and he’s probably sick of your boss anyway, so being hated by him might not necessarily be a bad thing. Seems easy enough doesn’t it, simply kiss up to the big boss and completely neglect your direct boss. Ah, but herein lies the problem.
Your boss, no matter how terrible he or she may be, controls your destiny. Even if your big boss loves you and thinks your boss is a moron, your boss still has a higher position in the company than you, and can end your tenure at any time. That’s why you have to get creative when schmoozing (schmoozing (verb): literally kissing the ass of someone above you, even if it makes you sick to your stomach and you happen to get some hair in your mouth).
Because your boss will be well aware when you are spending too much time in the big boss’s office, or discussing last nights baseball highlights in the cafeteria, you have to crank it up a notch on the sneaky scale. Your first move is easy. Whenever your boss is out for the day, spend as much time as you can with the big boss. Make up issues that haven’t even arisen and take those issues to his attention. First off, he will feel even more important that you trust his insight, and he will get a chance to show off how freaking smart he thinks he is. Also, and this is important…If your big boss ever brings up your direct boss in conversation, make sure you speak of him in the HIGHEST regard possible. Even if you can’t stand the person, talking down about them to a VP will make you look like a whistleblower (whistleblower (noun): a pain in the ass employee that goes around ratting out fellow employees to make themselves look better, mainly because everyone in the company hates them already).
Eventually, if you follow this course of action, the following events will take place.
1) When a sweet position opens up in the company your big boss will quickly remember your work ethic and mention you as a deserving candidate.
2) Your direct boss will probably try and talk down about how you leave work early everyday and creepily flirt with every female in the office.
3) The big boss will then mention how a few weeks ago you complimented your direct boss in the highest regard.
4) Your direct boss, embarrassed that he underestimated you, will give a new, more glowing report of your day to day activities.
5) You will have to attend a sexual harassment seminar (completely unrelated to the promotion, you just happen to be one sick human being).
0 comments:
Post a Comment