Firing in the News

Here at CBF it's our duty to inform you of how to avoid termination with your company no matter how much work you actually do. It's actually easier than you think, even in these tough economic times. Well, that may be changing. Larry Buhl, a writer for HotJobs, recently wrote an article stating there are more and more ways for the average worker to lose their jobs these days. Besides your normal reasons (missing work, cussing out your boss, throwing tear gas into the A/C duct), Buhl gives five new actions and lifestyles that could find you living by a gutter in no time. Let's see how many of these I could get fired for...

Smoking and drinking - We've already gone through that one here, where I was confused as to how these smokers get two more hours of break time then the rest of us. Well apparently, that's not the main concern. Companies are afraid of the health risks that may raise insurance rates and increase their 'bottom line'. He also lists drinking and overeating, which seems fair I guess. If I knew an employee was getting hammered at work I would fire him so fast for raising our insurance rates.

Risky Behavior - I'm not sure what this one means. The only thing he lists is bungee jumping, which isn't nearly as dangerous as say, driving your car to work. One of my favorite hobbies is to hop on a pogo-stick across a major highway. Does that fit into this demographic?

Speech - Uh oh. Buhl's exact comment here is, "Will your employer consider your blogging to be destructive griping?" That's pretty much what I do on this site every single day. If you would have asked me yesterday, before I read this article, what this site was about I would have said 'it's all about destructive griping.' So far I fit into all three categories, not too great of a start. What a bunch of Buhl (great play on words Steve).

Romantic Relationships - Yet another topic we've stressed here, and one that I have broken in the past but will never do again. Dating at work, in my opinion, should be automatic firing for both partners. Eventually this relationship is going to fizzle out and then you will have two people in your company that hate each other, which makes it uncomfortable for everyone else. Buhl goes on to say you can also get fired for being gay, which seems a bit harsh. I think this Buhl fellow might be a bit of a hater.

Political Activity - Buhl is about 50 percent correct on this one, except his reasoning is all wrong. He says you can be fired for voting for Obama if your boss is pro-McCain. That pretty much sums up everything America DOESN'T stand for. I'm beginning to think that Buhl might be a communist. What I do believe, however, is that if someone is basically campaigning for a specific candidate by placing buttons all over their cube, then they should be canned immediately. When I'm sitting at my desk and I hear Stan say 'Hey Linda, did you hear Obama's speech last night, he's really coming into his own in this campaign', it makes me want to pogo-stick all over his face.

Anyway, Buhl goes on to blab about how much he loves Marxism and Chairman Mao, and how society itself is in ruins. Let's list all the things that Buhl hates in the world...

-smoking
-drinking
-overeating
-anything with bungees
-blogging
-the internet in general
-sex
-homosexuals
-Will and Grace
-Obama
-our voting process
-America
-people who aren't blatant communists

Yahoo will hire anybody these days...