MAILBAG!!!

Mailbag time kiddo's. I read a few weeks ago (probably in Sports Illustrated for Kids, which is my only source of news these days) that the mail may be discontinued by the year 2020. That's a sad fact in the eyes of this guy, who still pays $28 for a CD from Columbia House, and somehow enjoys it. Let's get to these questions...

Pedds,

What are your thoughts on reverse sexual harrassment? A female co-worker of mine recently stated "she'd take me for the ride of my life" - later that day I caught her licking her lips as I brushed cookie crumbs from my groinal region.

I don't want to sound like a wuss here, but it's getting a little out of hand. It's gotten to the point where I crop dust her area every time I walk by just to try and disgust her. Can I sexually harrass back? Can I sue? Please help!

Thad, Los Angeles

Thaddeus,

My last job I had the same problem, and it's a bit disturbing. While I feel terrible for the way that women have been treated in the workplace the past 50 years in this country, they have made giant leaps in that regard recently, and hopefully can soon be thought of as complete equals. However, we must touch on this subject before the transition takes place. Sadly, something many women may not know, is that men are also being harassed in the office by the fairer sex. I bet every man you know has at least once in his working life been eyed up or patted down by a lonely older secretary, looking for a little hot young fun.

Anyway, back to my last job. There was a woman in her mid-40's named Steph. She was semi-attractive and seemed to be an incredibly nice lady. At first. Apparently she was in the midst of a terrible divorce and would often go out to neighborhood bars to seek what is commonly refered to as 'ferrets' or, Cougar Bait (young men).

For some reason no one gave me the heads up on this one, and after we worked together on a project, she asked if I wanted to go have a drink after work to celebrate. Sure it was a Monday night and she offered to pay, but I was young and naive. We drank until midnight, each hour the topic of conversation becoming more and more personal, and her hand coming closer and closer to my upper thigh. At first I figured she was just friendly, one of the guys so to speak. Ah, but that train departed the minute she asked if I wanted to venture back to her place for a cup of coffee.

I've seen the cup of coffee line in the movies before, mainly movies from the 70's, but have never seen it used in an actual closing situation. You see, our generation is a bit more straightforward, and tend to drunkenly make out at the bar first in order to skip the awkward sexual tension that may arise at the doorstep of your new possible partner.

Well back then I was weak, and I obliged on the cup of coffee for two reasons. One, I freaking love coffee (there wasn't any coffee by the way). And two, she works closely with my boss. My details of the night will end there, but I'll give you some advice....If she was alive for the Ford presidency, then she knows what she's doing. Still kinda wanted that coffee.

Here's the problem with the situation though. Afterwards, I felt a bit degraded. I felt uneasy around her at work, even a bit used. Granted, I should never accepted her invitation, but the strength at which she came on to me would have definitely been considered harassment had the gender roles been reversed.

I say to you, young Thad...Ignore your new found friend as a young woman would ignore a creepy VP with a desolate wife. It will only lead to a workplace with a degrading sense of self-worth. And lack of coffee.



I'm in North Carolina right now on vacation and the smell of the beach is forcing me to only answer one question today. I did have a mini-mailbag earlier this week, so technically, everybody wins. Now get back to walking around your office pinching asses, ladies (and men) love that.