The Parking Ticket Switch...

Each Tuesday I will be posting a short story of an event that has occurred in my working career that may be memorable, embarrassing, or offensive in nature. This event took place in the fall of 2007.

I woke up for work in a drunken stupor, and not by my alarm, which is never a good sign. It's 45 minutes later than I usually wake up, and my alarm had never been set. This was already a terrible start to the day, and it was only getting worse.

Usually I arrive to work around 7:50am, snag a great spot in the garage, and have time to spare to grab a coffee. This morning, however, I find myself arriving at 8:45am and there isn't a parking spot in site. I'm left with two options: a) park on the street about a half mile down the road and walk back to the building, or b) illegally park in a two hour maximum guest spot that is right next to the front door. In the history of employment with this company I've never once chose option A, but have resorted to option B on a few occasions and never gotten busted. I decide to pull the trigger yet another time.

Work was unusually dull, and by noon I was still feeling a bit faded. The only option to make me feel better in this situation is, my go-to, Panera Bread. I love Panera Bread. Their sandwiches, despite being overpriced, are the tastiest things around. And if I'm not in the mood for a sandwich, then their soups and salads are terrific compliments. And finally, you can't go into a Panera and not see at least 3-12 drop dead gorgeous women, that will want nothing to do with you.

I walk down to my car, frenetic about my lunch choice, when I see an orange ticket sticking out of my windshield wiper. They got me. One hundred dollars, and it says that towing is required. For some reason I'm in one of those moods where, despite the fact that I technically broke the law, I am extremely agitated that the Man is fining me. Then I remember a great parking ticket trick.

I take the ticket off my windshield and walk about five spaces away to another car parked in guest parking that I don't recognize, a blue Subaru hatchback. I place the ticket in their windshield and drive off to Panera. When I returned from my perfect lunch I drive by the guest spots, notice the Subaru has left, and find a spot in the employee parking. My hope is that the owner of the car doesn't look at his ticket, and sends in payment to the state, which will ultimately pay for MY ticket. It's brilliant. Worse case, the Subaru notices it's not his ticket, discards it, and I in turn never pay the ticket which would have happened anyway. Oh yea, I don't pay parking tickets, I think it's the biggest scam the Government has running today.

About twenty minutes after I got to my desk I hear commotion coming from the lunch room area, which as I've stated many times on this site, is never a good thing. I hop up from my chair and ask Gloria, the first person I see, what's going on.

"Apparently, Gene's daughter came to have lunch with him today, and her car got towed from a guest spot while they were up in the cafeteria. They just left to drive to the impound lot and retrieve the car. It had only been in the spot for less than an hour!!! Gene is not happy."

Uhhhh...Whoops. Gene's not a nice guy, in fact he can be rather ruthless. He's not the kind of employee you ever want on your bad side. Well I begin thinking to myself, what is going to happen here. My first thought is that he will get to the impound, read the ticket on the windshield where my license and name appear, put two and two together, and then drive back to the office with a machete to seek revenge.

My only option is to sit back at my desk and pretend like I have done nothing wrong. I guess I could call Gene and explain to him the situation, but it's much easier to simply wait it out and hope for the best. An hour goes by, then another hour. I'm sweating profusely, even though the office is actually quite drafty. Then, footsteps.

As I've stated before, I can tell who's coming to my desk strictly based on footsteps, and these are Gene's. Will I have another enemy within the company? Will Gene forgive me and ask me to marry his daughter? You'll have to find out tomorrow in segment two of ... "The Parking Ticket Switch"....

Ha, I'm kidding, this isn't Saved by the Bell. Anyway, Gene turns the corner of my cube with something in his hand, and a blunt look on his face. I stutter out, "Hey G-G-Gene."

"Steve, you're not going to believe what happened. The stupid building manager printed a ticket for your car, and placed it on a different car, which just so happened to be my daughters. Then, the idiots towed it!!! I can't believe some people. Anyway, here's your ticket, I guess you parked in guest parking this morning?"

"Uhhh, yea. I was running late and there were no spots."

"You know there is street parking down the road a bit, for future reference."

"I do now, thanks Gene. Sorry about your daughters car."

Gene said 'no problem' and walked back to his desk. Part of me thinks that Gene knew exactly what I did, but chose to avoid a confrontation and be the bigger man on this one. Or, maybe Gene is an idiot. You'll have to find out which is true in tomorrows continuing saga of 'The Parking Ticket Switch"...

No, actually, this story is finished. And I still haven't paid that ticket by the way.