Are They Even Brothers?

Glenda came into our office today with a signed poster from the Jonas Brothers that was somehow purchased by one of her sons. I've heard the hype, but because I'm not sure who the Jonas Brothers are I listened to a few of their songs on iTunes. They remind me of the Beatles if the Beatles were flamingly gay and worshiped Satan. They sucked.

Anyway, this band somehow drove our entire office to some sort of euphoria that forced them to take the rest of the day off and masturbate to their iPods. If I were these Jonas pricks I would walk into every office in America and have relations with 40 year old women just so their daughters would respect their mothers more. When I was a young boy, Nirvana was the biggest thing going. When our parents were young, the Beatles were already legendary. Now, we have the Jonas Brothers. And we're worried about %#@$ing gas prices.

I remember being young and thinking, 'how cool would it have been to grow up with The Who, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles?'. And now what I think is, 'Ace of Base was the best thing that ever happened to me'. Glenda attempted to explain to me how great these Jonas freaks are and the only thing I heard was 'my sons are gay, my sons are gay, my sons are gay, my daughter wants to lose her virginity at the age of 12'.

What happened to the music industry? Honestly, I thought hip-hop in the 21st century was intentionally trying to ruin music for the world, but they were actually trying to save it from High School Musical 3. I wish I had known before, I wouldn't have hated on Jay-Z so intensly.

So after lunch I walked by Glenda's office and noticed she wasn't there. I grabbed a Sharpie off of her desk and signed over one of the Jonas brothers faces with the autograph 'Dick Licker', in an ineligible fashion. And by ineligible I mean that anyone with a third grade education could blatantly see what I wrote. I'm not proud of what I did, but these 15 year old schmucks deserve it for ruining music for the rest of us.