Fantasy Football Time...

Besides the greatness that is March Madness, the second best time of the year for an avid sports fan are the weeks leading up to the NFL seasons. There is the anticipation of being able to sit on your couch every Sunday for nine straight hours and not feel guilty about it. There is the hope that your team, starting with a blank slate like everyone else, can somehow turn it around this year and have a shot at a ring. And of course, there is fantasy football.

Because there are a decent amount of ladies that read this site, I would be neglecting them if I solely spoke of drafts, injuries, and my sleeper picks. So I will also be adding a few gossip thoughts of my own in italics throughout the article. Enjoy...

The Draft:

There is no better place in the world to prep for your fantasy draft than work. For the week leading up to the big day you should be spending a minimum of five work hours reading over mock drafts and printing out player rankings. How far will Steve Smith drop after his suspension? Is Eli a real deal fantasy quarterback after his showing in the playoffs last year? You should know the answer to these questions immediately and without a doubt.

I really hope these rumors of Chris Robinson getting back together with Kate Hudson aren't true. First off, her face looks like an old catchers mitt and she's only like 22 years old. Secondly, she may have already had relations with half of Hollywood. And third, you're a freaking rockstar Chris!?!? Your band was reasonably famous, go out there and meet some random models that don't have syphilis.

Getting Prepared:

This is a time during your work hours where caring about your job goes down the toilet. Your number one concern is fantasy, and you're going to make that blatantly obvious to everyone. First of all, print thousands of different articles from the Internet, since everyones opinion is as different and wrong as the next guys, and you have to weed yourself through all the bull. Also, make sure once the season starts you don't stop plugging away on your research. The key to winning a fantasy season is through the waiver wire, and the best way to analyze that wire is while you're at your desk pretending to work.

Verne Troyer (Mini-me) is somehow suing his ex-girlfriend for throwing him 'around like a rag doll'. I guess this isn't supposed to be funny, but the mental picture I keep getting is making it hard to type. I watched that Surreal Life show and after seeing this little guy drive a scooter around everywhere, piss on a wall naked, and drink his weight in liquor every night, I'm surprised she didn't punt him like a football. Just because you're 2'8 doesn't mean you can act like a freakshow at all times and then sue when someone can't take it anymore. I think he got off easy with the rag doll toss.

Sleepers:

Sleepers are an important part of fantasy football, since there will always be a few players that sneak down to the bottom of the draft and end up performing way above expectations. Even more so if you're in a keeper league, as these guys will be huge assets to you next season when you get them in the 10th round of this years draft. Here's a few tips...

QB: Joe Flacco, Ravens - This rookie may not start off the bat, but has the potential to be a stud, even in his rookie year. Great pickup to have as a backup, especially considering how light the Ravens schedule is this season.

RB: Matt Forte, Bears - Another rookie, but one that will most likely be getting 20 carries by week one. The scouting report on this guy is that he can dance all over the field, which will be a much needed asset when you figure how terrible the Bears O-line is.
Jonathan Stewart, Panters - He's proven that he can run, and now he'll have to do so as the starter. Expect Steward to fall back to late in the draft and grab him up while everyone else is wasting their picks on a freakin kicker.

WR: Brandon Jones, Titans - Young guy in a contract year usually means big numbers. And now that Alge Crumpler will be taking pressure off the offense, and the Titans line has significantly improved, Vince Young will have twice the confidence he usually has.
Early Doucet, Cardinals - Boldin will play five games this year, maximum. Pick up Doucet who will be taking his position.

Can you believe that Brangelina were paid $14 million for pictures of their damn babies? The average American is getting blasted by the economy right now, and these two morons get paid bank to show off their ugly kids. When these twins get older I'm gonna have my kids rob them in a dark alley, and then give the money to an actual children's charity. My kids are gonna be like the Robin Hood's of Hollywood. That sounds pretty badass, actually. Now I just need to have some kids and train them with a cross-bow...

Good luck this season, and don't forget another key rule: Never participate in an office fantasy football league. An office survivor league is fine, but fantasy is way too in depth and will end up getting you in trouble. But not as much trouble as Miley Cyrus is getting into with all these half naked photos that keeps showing up on the Web. When I was 15 I was riding my bike to the mall to purchase Star Wars figurines. Act your age, Miley Slutrus. (Side note: Star Wars was really cool back then, at least in my neighborhood).