MAILBAG!!!

Today is the 34th anniversary of the day Richard Nixon announced the resignation of his presidency. There is no rhyme or reason for this information, I just thought you might like to know.

Peddler,
I wish our company was big enough for meetings I could duck out of. Instead everyone just gathers in my office while the boss rants. Any suggestions for those of us in smaller businesses?

-Nymph

Nymph,

Your name confuses and intrigues me all at the same time. Unless you're a guy, then it's rather disgusting. Anyway, you're in a tight bind here Nymph, considering the meetings are held in your personal office. If I were you the first thing I'd do is drop a stink bomb by your desk and then complain to your office manager that you think a rat died in the air duct. Your work day will obviously be pretty tough to deal with as the scent will be unbearable, but at least you've moved the setting of the meeting.

I used to work in a smaller office and would do anything I could to stop meetings from ever occurring. Disabling the conference call telephone, taking out the bulb of the projector, removing the seats out of the room and putting them in a broom closet. Whatever you can do to delay or ultimately cancel any meeting without getting caught should be attempted. And when all else fails, drink enough Nyquil until you throw up all over the office floor, and then go home early to watch 90210 reruns.

Peddler,

I was at a bar last week and saw my boss making out with an intern. How can I sabotage him without getting any repercussions?

Leslie, MD

Les,

You're in the drivers seat like nobody's business. First thing is first, when you're in this type of situation in life you have to use your camera phone. I take pictures of basically everything I see with my camera phone because if it's even half way humiliating then you can sell the picture to a scum sucking magazine. I once took a picture of a guy puking on a Rolls Royce and TMZ paid me $200, just like that. And the person in question just happened to be my dad. We don't talk much anymore. Sometimes I'll have someone take a picture of myself doing something insanely stupid and attempt to sell it, although I think they know me now and are privy to my ulterior motives.

If I were you I would show that picture around the entire office to coworkers that have no authority but are massive gossipers, because eventually the news will make its way to the powers that be. Once that happens your boss will most likely be fired, especially if you start a rumor that the lady he was making out with is a freshman in college and therefore is only 18 years old. Even though it's legal the fact that he's 30 years older than her might stir the pot considering she's probably older than his daughter. Or so you said...

Peddles,

What are your favorite office movies?

Dan, DE

Dan,

Office Space - Obviously a massive influence on this site, Ron Livingston should be in every movie, and there is no better boss name than Lumberg.

Network - Old school flick about the media industry, and a must see for any communication major. Also one of the first films in Hollywood that empowers women, which we at CBF are all about (it makes them better in the sack).

Waiting - A perfectly stupid comedy of working for a corporate restaurant chain, this movie embodies everything that high school graduates stand for.

Roger & Me - The first film by Micheal Moore is a biopic on his hometown conglomerate, GM. It's an amazing film that delves into how terrible the corporate structure is in this country, and how better it could be if we all woke up and started exploiting each other.

Silkwood - Movie about a woman who attempted to take down a nuclear power plant and was murdered on the way to the New York Times office. Meryl Streep kind of shows her breasts, which may be a reason to watch or not watch the movie depending on how long it's been since you've been laid.

Taxi Driver - Mohawks and large handguns make any American happy. I think it's in the Constitution.

Have a grand weekend readers, let's hope none of us get arrested...