"Lamest Mailman Ever"Peddler,
I just got my first job out of college and during my HR meeting they kept harping on my 401K plan. I have an idea of what it is and everyone says I should put money in there, but I'm not making that much on my paycheck and I need every dollar I get. Any help?
Nate, CA
Nate,
I have some sad news for you. By the time you're 55 there will be no more social security in this country, and all us old farts will have to be fending for ourselves. Plus, with the way the economy's been slipping lately, there's a chance we'll still be working until we're 90. That's why you have to give up a few bucks every month, switch from Red Bull and Vodka to boxed wine, and start planning for your family's future.
Personally, I don't participate in the 401K, but my life plan is different than most people. I have other investments (gambling), and no matter how much I make I will always need every cent from every paycheck (excessive drinking habit). Also, there's a good chance I'm going to marry a very rich woman who will allow me to be a househusband, thus deeming my petty 401K insignificant compared to her billion dollar trust fund. See, I've got it all planned out.
Peddler,
I made the mistake you always say not to make and I'm dating a guy in our office. We've been dating for about a year now and I can't stand him anymore, but he works ten feet from me. You've got to help me, I love my job so quitting is not an option.
Lisa, NY
Oh poor Lisa,
I tried to tell you people, but you never listen. This is why I don't want to have kids, way too many people take advice for granted. You've put yourself in a tough situation here, one that is going to cause you some grief and maybe even some shame. But alas, I'm here for you. First thing is first...Use every bad office situation as a way to get ahead, instead of a reason to get down. If you have a good rapport with your boss, then bring up the situation next time you're in their office alone. People who think they're important love being asked for advice in difficult situations. Tell your boss you have aspirations with this company, and you feel as though your relationship with the Douche Bag will only harp on those dreams.
The reason for doing this is simple. After you break this loser's heart, there may be some backlash. He's going to start bashing you to a great deal of people around the office, and may even bring the neglect you had for him to your direct superior. But now when he does, your boss will recall your talk from before and side with you on the matter, leaving your ex-Douche confused and lonely.
As for the actual breakup, don't go easy on him. Let him down hard or he'll keep bothering you in the office with flowers or great new date ideas he has. And for godsakes, I hope you've learned your lesson Lisa. Office romances are for predictable NBC sitcoms, and not for the real world.
Peddler,
Loved the Best of can't be fired link you created, but was wondering if/when you were going to post more stories?
Karen, GA
Karen,
I'm going to try and get back to posting stories on Tuesday every week from now on. I have a few left in the vault that are rather amusing, and I'll begin posting them up starting tomorrow. Also, if anyone out there has a story they'd love to share, then send it in. If my editors decide it's appropriate and whimsical enough, then perhaps we'll throw it on the site. No matter what you do, or where you do it, every office has situational humor draped all over it. So take a look around and try to see the funny in your everyday work life. You might be missing a chance to see a coworker break up with another coworker, and then watching one of them exploit the situation to get a promotion. Ah, The American Dream...
I just got my first job out of college and during my HR meeting they kept harping on my 401K plan. I have an idea of what it is and everyone says I should put money in there, but I'm not making that much on my paycheck and I need every dollar I get. Any help?
Nate, CA
Nate,
I have some sad news for you. By the time you're 55 there will be no more social security in this country, and all us old farts will have to be fending for ourselves. Plus, with the way the economy's been slipping lately, there's a chance we'll still be working until we're 90. That's why you have to give up a few bucks every month, switch from Red Bull and Vodka to boxed wine, and start planning for your family's future.
Personally, I don't participate in the 401K, but my life plan is different than most people. I have other investments (gambling), and no matter how much I make I will always need every cent from every paycheck (excessive drinking habit). Also, there's a good chance I'm going to marry a very rich woman who will allow me to be a househusband, thus deeming my petty 401K insignificant compared to her billion dollar trust fund. See, I've got it all planned out.
Peddler,
I made the mistake you always say not to make and I'm dating a guy in our office. We've been dating for about a year now and I can't stand him anymore, but he works ten feet from me. You've got to help me, I love my job so quitting is not an option.
Lisa, NY
Oh poor Lisa,
I tried to tell you people, but you never listen. This is why I don't want to have kids, way too many people take advice for granted. You've put yourself in a tough situation here, one that is going to cause you some grief and maybe even some shame. But alas, I'm here for you. First thing is first...Use every bad office situation as a way to get ahead, instead of a reason to get down. If you have a good rapport with your boss, then bring up the situation next time you're in their office alone. People who think they're important love being asked for advice in difficult situations. Tell your boss you have aspirations with this company, and you feel as though your relationship with the Douche Bag will only harp on those dreams.
The reason for doing this is simple. After you break this loser's heart, there may be some backlash. He's going to start bashing you to a great deal of people around the office, and may even bring the neglect you had for him to your direct superior. But now when he does, your boss will recall your talk from before and side with you on the matter, leaving your ex-Douche confused and lonely.
As for the actual breakup, don't go easy on him. Let him down hard or he'll keep bothering you in the office with flowers or great new date ideas he has. And for godsakes, I hope you've learned your lesson Lisa. Office romances are for predictable NBC sitcoms, and not for the real world.
Peddler,
Loved the Best of can't be fired link you created, but was wondering if/when you were going to post more stories?
Karen, GA
Karen,
I'm going to try and get back to posting stories on Tuesday every week from now on. I have a few left in the vault that are rather amusing, and I'll begin posting them up starting tomorrow. Also, if anyone out there has a story they'd love to share, then send it in. If my editors decide it's appropriate and whimsical enough, then perhaps we'll throw it on the site. No matter what you do, or where you do it, every office has situational humor draped all over it. So take a look around and try to see the funny in your everyday work life. You might be missing a chance to see a coworker break up with another coworker, and then watching one of them exploit the situation to get a promotion. Ah, The American Dream...
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