Toys in the Office...

Boredom has hit a new high in the always high energy office of the Peddler. Because of this, I have decided to purchase items on the company that I can play with at my desk in order to make the clock tick a bit faster. Granted, my company credit card will be astronomical this month, but I've been wanting to shake this place up recently, and there's no better way to do that then by spending their money.

The first thing I bought is this wonderful toy that I've wanted since I saw Charlie Sheen shooting paper balls in "Wall Street".


After four hours of grabbing random papers and firing three pointers from the corner of my cube I realized that I've accidentally cleaned off my entire desk for the first time in two years. I just found my passport and half of a pastrami sandwich.

The next purchase I made was a favorite game of mine as a kid, Labyrinth. I recall having this game actually own me when I was younger, but I figured now that I have grown in both mental and physical strength, I would dominate. Obviously this was not so, as I can barely get to the tenth wheel without cheating. And if I cheat I can only get to the twelfth hole. This must have something to do with the 10th cup of coffee I've had today, since my hands are still a bit jittery.

The only downfall of this game is that it's a bit loud what with the aluminum ball rolling around constantly. Although I played with it for the better part of the morning and no one has said a thing. Thus, I decided to step up my noise game a bit.

That's when I ran into this gem of a toy that is not only loud but fun (at least for twenty minutes, then it gets pretty boring). They're called finger drums, and will make you feel just like Tommy Lee if Tommy Lee were three inches tall and had terrible rhythm.

If you read the description of the toy on the website it says that "you'll have your co-workers swooning like groupies". This sounds like false advertising to me. Immediately after I started rocking out with my fingers a company wide memo went out stating that finger drums are not allowed in the office. They could have just came to my desk and asked me to stop, although maybe there are other bored employees reliving their old rocker days.

I'm not exactly sure if this is legal or moral, but it sure is fun, a Boss Voodoo Doll. I immediately dressed the voodoo doll in a sweater vest and gave him terrible curly hair to emulate my boss, who saw the doll later in the day and looked pretty freaked out.

Boss: What the hell is that?
Me: Nothing.
Boss: Is that a voodoo doll? Of me???
Me: I have no idea where you got that idea. Who has voodoo dolls this day in age?
Boss: Well there's a box sitting on the basketball hoop in your trashcan that says Boss Voodoo Doll Kit.
Me: Damn awesome basketball hoop. I still have no idea what you mean boss, I think that's someone elses.
Boss: And the doll looks like a freak. Are you saying I look like Carrot Top?
Me: Boom boom, chick. Boom boom, chick.
Boss: Can you please stop playing finger drums for one second and finish the proposal.
Me: Right after this solo...

What if your boss is female? Damn sexist voodoo doll...