Firing in the News

This country is going through some tough times right now, as anyone can see. The Lehman Brothers go bankrupt after 452 years, Merrill Lynch (and my mutual funds) are out the door, and hurricanes are raping and pillaging our cities. It's gotten so bad that computers are now taking jobs away from hard working people in this country. And by computers, I of course mean EZ-Pass. I would say that 90 percent of the people I know (that equates to about nine people) have an EZ-Pass in their car, and take for granted the effect that speeding up their commute has on the average American. Well, I am bringing this to your attention.

Boston has been working on a new highway system in their downtown area, referred to commonly as the Big Dig. Apparently this Dig has been going on since World War II, and is costing the city and its taxpayers billions of dollars, which the city is now resolving by firing anyone and everyone they can. The first to go, it seems, will be the toll takers. This article, from a Boston news source, claims that 100 toll taking jobs will be cut back this year because of rising Dig prices and the popularity of EZ-Pass, which makes their job utterly useless.

At first, I was appalled. The city overextended their time and budget on this project, and instead of the money coming out of their pocket, they've decided to let go one hundred hard working citizens. Some, I imagine, have been at this job for decades, and have no other skills in which to find gainful employment. Then I continued to read, and found this interesting nugget of information. "That represents nearly one-fourth of the agency's toll collectors, who make an average of $70,000 per year."

Um, excuse me? Is that a typo? You pay toll takers 70 grand for standing in place and giving change to drivers? No offense to toll takers, but aren't they just cashiers on the highway? I've always thought that their job had the highest suicide rate in the world, and now you're telling me they make close to six figures. Where do I enroll? Are these jobs on Monster? Seriously though, I want to stand around and make double what most Americans make.

My other thought was the word average in that sentence. You have to figure that the starting salary for a toll taker is around $40,000, which means there are toll takers pulling in over $90,000 a year. That's upper middle class!! I bet they get free toll service as well, which is just more change in their pocket.

Well I have no pity for Boston at this point, no matter how expensive this Dig is becoming. What do you pay at your dry cleaners, $8.50 a shirt? How much does a Starbucks barista make, $220,000? What about a washed up pitcher who can't stay off the disabled list? That one's actually published, Curt Schilling made $8,000,000 this year. If I lived in Boston I would clean and iron my own shirts, buy myself a coffee maker, and hope that my baseball team doesn't sign Sandy Koufax to a three year, multi-million dollar deal.

A quote I found from another article on the subject was also rather interesting. Apparently Governor Deval Patrick says these layoffs will save the state $10 million annually. I'm no math wizard, but let's do some quick arithmetic...

100 toll workers being fired.
Average income for said toll workers is $70,000.

I had my six year old neice figure this out for me since I have a head cold and my doctor told me to stay away from any substantial brain teasers.

Well, Lisa just informed me that the annual amount the state would save is $7 million. Obviously benefits are involved as well, but I'm pretty sure they aren't equal to $30,000 a person. Plus, these individuals are paying taxes I assume, which would mean half their paycheck is going back into state hands. No wonder this city is in trouble, the Governor has a third grade education.

So what have we learned today? First of all, either Governor Patrick is terrible at math, or he's fudging the numbers to make this situation appear more beneficial for his Freakin' Dig. Secondly, never tip a toll worker, they don't need the extra incentives. And lastly, the Red Sox have to pay $255 a night to dry clean the 30 or so jerseys that are worn by their players. Thankfully, Schilling makes that much every 15 seconds...