Firing in the News

The whole point of this website is to show people how impossible it is to get fired from their jobs. No matter what perverse, illegal, or immoral act you commit, there is a very good chance you will still be working at the end of the day. The amount of red tape that most companies, agencies, and organizations must go through is so incredible, that it might as well be called red duct-tape (zinger of the day).

My main goal in life is to test these waters and show you, through my experiences, how this theory holds true. But there are other times when America does the work for me. And boy have they ever came through this time.

About four months ago, a Dallas city police officer was fired from his job with the force. I assume that being fired as a cop probably doesn't happen very often, considering they're allowed to pretty much do whatever they want. Personally, I've witnessed and been the blunt of many police officers overstepping their boundaries, and treating a decent citizen with the least respect possible. And by decent citizen I mean the time I threw water balloons filled with white paint at a local college bar that had asked me to leave for being intoxicated. Still, the cops didn't have to mace anybody.

Let's get back to this shameful Dallas police officer. What did he do exactly? Well, I'll tell you. He offered to buy a poor woman a bus ticket in exchange for sex. He has been on probation ever since, and is now returning to his full-time job as an actual securer of the community. Before we figure out how amazing it would be to live in this city, I'd like to try and reenact the tumultuous indiscretion that caused such a stir up.

Poor woman: Excuse me officer, but do you have fifty cents? I have to take the bus and I'm a bit short today.
Sick cop: Let me check my wallet (unzips pants). Hmm, looks like I'm out of change.
Poor woman: Why are your pants around your ankles?
Sick cop: Guess...
Poor woman: What?
Sick cop: Take a guess. Why else would my pants be around my ankles? You need fifty cents, and I need a handjob. Think about it.
Poor woman: You know what, I'm just gonna walk the three blocks.
Sick cop: I wouldn't do that if I were you, lotta sicko's out there.

Probably the worst thing this article did was post the officers name (which happens to be Rene). If I were a criminal in Dallas, I would stitch that name into my memory just in case the event ever arose that I would need to know it. For instance, let's say I've robbed a bank, an officer is chasing me down the street, and he finally corners me into a back alley. While he's cuffing me I spot a glimpse of his nametag, which reads Officer Rene. What would prevent me from asking, "Hey there Officer Rene. How about you take these cuffs off of me and I'll give to you what that poor woman from the bus wanted?" Seems wrong typing it, but I think most people would rather give a quick handjob then spend four years in the big house. I'm sure Dallas criminals feel the same way.

By the way, the main reason I picked this article was because this sick, perverted, servant of the people has been rehired by the same city that houses the Dallas Cowboys, whom the Redskins are playing this weekend. Besides being the ultimate rivalry in the history of sports, it is also a reason to bash the opponents city to no end. I think we've won round one...

Courtesy of Terrible Photoshopping Inc.