Football Mailbag!!!

As I expected, everyone is up in arms after last night regarding the lack of a professional team in the nation's capital. Personally, I don't care anymore. The Redskins are a joke, as well as every other sports team in this city. We're the new Cleveland, and it's goddam depressing.

On that note, lets get to the football mailbag for this week...

Peddler,

I have an older guy in my office whose son plays high school football, and every week he puts up stats from the previous weeks games on the cafeteria fridge. Like we care? Have you ever heard of anything like this?

Megan, NY

Megan,

First off, don't hate the guy too much, he's just proud of his boy. That being said, he's also a self-promoting prick. Your first order of business is to hide all of the magnets that are currently on the fridge. That will buy you a week and send a message at the same time. After a few days, approach the man (we'll call him Frank) and have the following dialogue...

Megan: Hey Frank, I haven't seen any clippings about your son on the fridge lately. Is he still playing football?
Frank: Yea, just can't find a magnet. I tried taping the clippings to the fridge but someone lit them on fire and left the ashes on the floor. I'm sure it was an accident.
Megan: I see. So tell me about your son, is he cute?
Frank: Huh?
Megan: I mean, he's this stud football player, maybe him and I could hang out sometime.
Frank: He's only 16, you're like 25. That's disgusting.
Megan: Age is just another way to discriminate, Frank. Tell your boy I have a little thing for him, and keep those clippings coming!

I can guarantee you two things will happen. First off, you will never have to see another damn article about his son on the fridge. And secondly, you will most likely get a call from HR within the week. Gotta take some hits to get what you want.

Peddler,

I have DeAngelo Williams and Selvin Young for my third running back spot, and can't decide which to start. Any thoughts?

Josh, DC

Josh,

Um, I write a work site not a fantasy football one. And honestly, you shouldn't listen to those either. The fun thing about fantasy football is that YOU are the general manager. You make all the decisions, whether they be right or wrong. Do you think NFL general managers call up newspapers and ask for their opinions? No, of course not. Buckle down, look at each players matchups, and make a decision on your own accord, because after all, it's your team.

And don't be an idiot, start Selvin Young.

Peddler,

Loved your post on the different type of sports fans in the office, but I think you forgot one. The Boss. My boss loves the Cowboys and I'm a Redskins fan. Every time he brings up football we have a little fun trash talk, but when I bring it up he tells me to get back to work. Drives me nuts.

Ted, MI

Ted,

I've had many different types of sports loving bosses, and they're all terrible. For some reason, the boss will often times use sports as a way to connect with his/her employees without crossing into the friend zone. It's a good way for them to seem human to the rest of the company. My favorite bosses are the ones that claim they love football, but know nothing about the sport or any particular team. They'll catch a score while watching CNN in the morning and then shout out, "Can you believe Atlanta beat Houston 4-3 in that game yesterday. Must have been a record low score for a football game!" To which you kindly respond with, "I think you mistook that for a baseball score. Plus, yesterday was Tuesday, and there aren't usually football games on until the weekend."

If your boss roots for the same team as you, then call it a blessing in disguise, since you will be able to share your ups and downs together, which will give you a better working relationship. It's sad, but true. The worst kind of boss you can have is one that not only doesn't enjoy football, but hates the idea of sports in general. He thinks sports is a trivial nonesense, and he won't have any part of it. This is the kind of boss that will make you come in on Sunday's just to rub it in your face. This is the sort of boss that will make you take your Art Monk screensaver down. This is brand of boss that, gasp, doesn't watch the Superbowl!!! You know, if you don't watch the Superbowl you're a communist, it's true. And do you know how to get back at this type of boss? Take out his daughter...

Have a great weekend, and hopefully your teams fair better than mine...