Firing in the News

Ah, our 99th post. What a celebration. A number of things come to mind when I think of this number. The 99 bottles of beer on the wall song, which was a personal favorite in my annoying kid faze (I know it's spelled phase, but faze looks so much more badass). The year 1999 in which I was roofied by a transvestite hooker and thrown into the back of a Winnebago. Wayne Gretzky. The song '99 Luftballons', a classic 80's tune that you may know by the American version, '99 Red Balloons'. 99 cent stores, where my ex-girlfriend used to send me to buy her tampons (she wasn't too classy). 99 is also what lesbians call 69ing (wikipedia bitches!), which confuses and intrigues me all at the same time.

Either way it's a great number, and we've decided to let society show how great it is by seeing who's been fired in the news recently. This is also the first international news story that's been covered by CBF, and we used it because we felt that it needed an American twist. No matter how terrible you think your job, life, health care, family, and retirement plan are...at least you don't live in Spain.

This past Monday, a 36-year-old Spanish woman was fired from her job for 'repeated and unjustified absences'. Please try and remember the word unjustified as you read on. Now, all of us have had a few hiccups in our time when we needed a few extra days off work. Someone close passes away, you get dumped by your significant other, or a vacation runs a bit too long because you met a native Costa Rican woman who lets you be yourself. Whatever the reason may be, employers are usually pretty reasonable when a few too many days are missed at the office. Not in Spain, however.

The 36-year-old Spanish woman, Sandra Tejero, hasn't been able to attend her regularly scheduled hours at a Barcelona fish shop because, well, she's been in a coma. That's right, a coma. She was recently in a car accident that caused bilateral damage to the reticular formation of her midbrain (wikipedia bitches!). I imagine there are many questions you have about the situation, and I'm going to take a guess as to what they are...

Devoted Readers: Steve, when did the accident occur? If she has been in a coma for years, they should have the right to look for another employee.

Terrific question, devoted readers. Unfortunately, your assumptions are incorrect. The accident occurred on September 15th of THIS year. That is exactly 24 days ago. Ok, the first thing I would assume is that she's working five days a week. This means that in those 24 days only 17 or so were actual work days. I'm not sure how sick leave works in Spain, but I assume that she's allotted at least a weeks worth, which brings the number down to 12. Also, unless she is jet setting around the country every other month, I will also assume that she has at least a weeks worth of vacation days saved up. That means she has missed about seven days of work. And after a coma no less. Now on to your next question...

Devoted Readers: How long has she been with the fish shop? If she's only been there a few months then we would at least somewhat understand the stores case.

Wonderful question. She's been employed with the fish shop for a full year and a half. I haven't even had a girlfriend that long unless you count my Norweigan penpal Karita, who hasn't written back to me since 2003. Karita, if you're out there, I love you. Anyway, it seems to me that Sandra has gotten screwed. And your final question please...

Devoted Readers: Is she still in the coma? If she's been out of the coma for a few days and still hasn't returned to work, then it only makes sense that they might end her employment.

I wish she was out of the coma, but alas, she is not. Sandra is going to wake up hopefully, and will be utterly confused when she hears the terrible news of her terminated employment. I imagine the conversation with her mother will go something like this...

Sandra: ¿Dónde estoy
Mom: Que se encontraban en un accidente.
Sandra: ¿Cuánto tiempo se me fuera
Mom: Desde septiembre.
Sandra: ¿Dónde está mi marido José
Mom: Que se divorció y se casó con Marcel, su hermano gay.
Sandra: Al menos tengo la tienda de peces.
Mom: No, que dispararon el culo

Man, that is quite the information to discover after a terrible accident followed by a life threatening coma. Oh, you don't speak Spanish? I'm not fluent, but I studied the language for a year in sixth grade. Let's see if I can translate...

Sandra: Where am I?
Mom: You were in an accident.
Sandra: How long have I been out?
Mom: Since september.
Sandra: Where is my husband, Jose?
Mom: He divorced you and married Marcel, your gay brother.
Sandra: Well at least I still have the fish shop.
Mom: No, they fired your ass.

This is why we should be proud to live in America. Despite all the flaws that our government has bestowed upon us, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to fire an employee that is stricken in a comatic state. I'm no lawyer, but that has GOT to be against the law, right? Either way, I feel for Sandra and her family and wish that they can at least get out of this situation in one piece. And if I were Sandra, the first thing I would do when I wake up is kick the shit out my brother for stealing Jose away from me. Damn Spanish bisexuals...