Firing in the News

Normally when we delve into the psyche of a randomly fired American, we focus on the why and how. Well not this time. Today we will discuss how the average employee goes about proving their worth after a firing occurs. Sure, we've all had our moments of being completely infuriated by the higher-ups letting us have it, and sometimes our indiscretions can lead to a sweet ass pink slip. Personally, I've never been fired, but I always imagine what my reaction would be if it ever happened. I assume I would simply bash my former employer behind their back and move on with my life. But sometimes the situations get out of hand.

Hence our newest firing in the news subject, a young lady from the great state of Minnesota. In late June, an employee of the respectable Super 8 Motel in Rochester, MN was fired for undisclosed reasons. Based on her post-firing actions I'm guessing she was fired for having relations with a customer, or stealing cash out of the register in front of the security cameras. Either way, she felt that she was wronged, and figured she'd get back at the massive entity that is Super 8 Motel.

It turns out that our good friend, Courtney Renee Schletty, who happens to only be 18, recently trashed one of the hotel (sorry, motel) rooms of her previous employer. According to the report, 'the sheets were pulled off the bed, a picture frame was cracked, coffee and coffee grounds were spilled on the mattress, towels and sheets were put in the bathtub and toilet, headboards and lights were pulled out of the wall, and toilet paper was strung throughout the room.'

Okay Super 8, I have a few questions. First off, why would you let a recently fired employee stay in your hotel (sorry, motel)? Secondly, how priceless was this motel room picture we're talking about? I'm guessing it was a picture of two horses roaming the countryside.


Ahh, very beautiful. It's mentioned in the article that the damage done was $2,046.98. I'm not sure how you randomly came up with that number, but I've contacted my accountant who is rather good with numbers. Let's see what he came up with.

Sheets pulled off the bed -- It takes housekeeping about 12 minutes to pick the sheets up off the floor and take them to the washer.

Total cost: $28 (labor)

Picture frame -- We've already seen what would probably resemble the picture, and we must assume that the frame is just as incredible.

Total cost: $40

Coffee and coffee grounds spilled on the mattress -- First of all, the coffee is a perk of staying in the room and should cost nothing. Secondly, coffee grounds can easily be cleaned off a mattress. It's not like we're talking about red wine here.

Total cost: $38 (cost of a freaking Dust Buster)

Towels and sheets were put in the bathtub -- Normally I would consider that cleaning the towels, but apparently the geniuses at Super 8 don't like when their towels are soaked in a cleansing area. Let's say, for the purpose of arguing, that the towels and sheets had been dunked in hotel (sorry, motel) water, and were ruined beyond all recognition. And then let's assume that these were sheets were egyptian cotton.

Total cost: $200

Headboards and lights were pulled out of the wall -- I'm not sure how you pull a headboard, which is not attached to a wall, out of a wall. This must be one bizarre hotel (sorry, motel). But I will admit that the defendants act of pulling the light sockets out of the wall is very inconsiderate, and should demand serious repercussions.

Total cost: $150 (that includes the headboard)

Toilet paper was strung throughout the room -- My junior year of high school I hooked up with a random sophomore during spring break. At first I thought it was completely innocent, until I realized that her boyfriend was on the football team. The next thing I knew my entire house, front yard, car, backyard, garage, and dog were covered in toilet paper because of what I did. My father made me take down the obstruction, which took about 15 minutes. And I was crying during the entire ordeal.

Total cost: $7 (roll of toilet paper...minimum labor needed)

This brings me to the total cost of Miss Schletty's fine: $463. Somehow, the Super Duper 8 Motel decided to multiply that number by five and charge a poor innocent young lady her life savings. And why? Because she got angry and trashed a hotel (sorry, motel) room. Haven't we all been there before? Even though it's wrong and outrageous, there are times when it feels right to let out our feelings and completely trash the employer that gave us so much shit. That's the American way.

Unfortunately for our friend, there will be some jail time in the near future. And as much as I think she should have her job back, she made the mistake of telling other employees she had this plan all along. In retrospect, her only fault was not trashing the place enough. If you're going to go out with a bang then steal the ironing board, disable the shower head, and kick the person who took your job in the shins. You probably would have received less of a fine then you did from spilling coffee grounds on a shitty mattress.

This is a wake up call to the American people. If you get fired, you don't have to get even, just find a new job. And if you feel as though must get even, make sure you do it up right. And by that I mean pissing on the horse painting, throwing the TV through the window, and impregnating one of the housekeepers. Now THAT'S the American way...