Firing in the News

Here we go again. America has once again proved that 90% of our citizens are either immoral, deviant, or just plain stupid. It turns out that Rick Beard from Illinois fits into all three of these categories, which of course led to the end of his employment. Let me give you the background on our good friend Rick.

-He's 61, and therefore should probably be somewhat mature.
-He works as head of the Abraham Lincoln Library and Museum, and therefore must be somewhat educated.
-He makes $250,000 a year, and therefore makes a pretty nice living, especially in Springfield, Illinois.
-He's been arrested twice for petty theft in a nearby shopping mall.

Wait, what? Yes, apparently Rick was arrested for stealing $40 worth of DVD's and then again for $300 worth of necktie's.

Let's start with the obvious. Rick makes a pretty nice amount of money, and should probably be able to afford the relatively small amount of merchandise he stole from the mall. I'm also going to guess that either a) he's a kleptomaniac, has been doing this for years, and was unfortunately busted twice within a few days, or b) he's the worst thief ever. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry catches his uncle Leo stealing from the bookstore, then finds out that his parents often steal batteries from the grocery store. Apparently people over 60 feel that because they have lived so long they can steal at any time without consequence. This is what eight-year old kids do. It sounds awesome to be an elder.

Here's where Rick's problems started. After he was arrested he continued to work at the Abe Lincoln Library by lying (insert terrible honest Abe joke here) to his employer. I guess he didn't technically lie, he just withheld the truth, but it ended up being enough to get him canned from his well paying job. This is a lesson to the readers out there. If you get arrested for theft, get a DUI, sleep with a hooker that turns out to be a cop, or backslap some douchebag at a bar for being a douchebag, then just tell your employer. Unless of course you arrested in a different state or you get a felony. In that case keep it to yourself because they're either never going to find out, or they're going to fire you no matter what.

I was also wondering why Rick had to steal $40 worth of DVD's. What inspired this, old man? Haven't you heard of Netflix? Who buys DVD's anymore anyway? Plus that only equates to about two DVD's, which means your not really getting anything out of your theft. Remember risk should equal reward. God only knows what movies this idiot stole. I'm guessing, based on his background, that the two movies were 'Night at the Museum' and 'Throbin Hood (Prince of Beaves)'. The first because he works in a museum, and the second because he's a sick, disgusting, old man. God only knows what the $300 worth of neckties were for...