From Now On I'm Calling off the Day After a Debate...

I'm sure you all watched the debate last night. Now I don't want to discuss the particulars since every other website on the Internet will be doing so, and I don't really know what I'm talking about when it comes to politics. Although, I wish Tom Brokaw would host every single debate. Scratch that. I wish Tom Brokaw would host every game show, talk show, news show, and cooking show on television. The guy is just so damn cool.

What I would like to discuss is the nature of talking politics in the office. First off, this should be a no-no. I think politics is something that should be discussed with friends, family, and the random Obama supporters that knock on your door in the middle of the Redskins game. Seriously though, it's 2:00pm on a Sunday and you're soliciting at a house in D.C. in the middle of the second quarter. Do your research and realize that some people don't want to be bothered when they are obviously in the middle of something. Do I knock on your door during Grey's Anatomy trying to sell you a house plant? No, because I'm not an idiot. You want to know a good time to come to my house? How about 10pm on a Tuesday night when I'm half drunk and willing to talk about anything as long as it doesn't cost me any money.

Anyway, let's get back to the task at hand, which is political office talk. The office is a place of work and surfing the internet, not discussing who you're voting for. Frankly, it's no ones business and is quite rude to ask. I'd rather someone ask me how much money I make. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way, and I'm sure you've all realized that by now. Let's go through the character traits of a few of these individuals so you can realize who they are...

The Not So Subtle Approach -

There is a lady in my office, who despite how sweet she might seem at first, can be coniving and ruthless about everything. She will often sneak up from behind and scare the shit out of me, asking me about what I did over the weekend or some such nonesense. The other annoying character trait she has is her affinity for political discussions. Despite the fact she has never mentioned who she is actually voting for, I know she is a hardcore McCain supporter. She has often asked me who I'm voting for, to which I always respond, "I don't feel comfortable discussing my political beliefs with random coworkers." This is not good enough for her, and she will keep pressing. Here is how the conversation will go this afternoon when she approaches my desk. I'm only guessing, but I guarentee I'm right on.

Beth: So, did you watch the debate last night?
Me: I sure did. That Tom Brokaw is one badass sonofabitch.
Beth: Yea, I guess. So what did you think?
Me: Thought it was interesting. Especially how they got all these random people off of the street and had them read pre-written questions off of index cards.
Beth: No, I mean who did you think won?
Me: Won? Won what? Did they thumb wrestle?
Beth: Well I think Obama had a few interesting things to say, but McCain really impressed me with his answers. He is on a roll don't you think?
Me: I don't know, are we going to discuss religion next. I'm just curious so I know whether or not to kill myself right now.

I'm not sure why she doesn't come out and just ask me to donate money to the Republican party. And this isn't a bash against the party, it's a bash against this lunatic that won't leave me alone while I'm obviously trying to play Tecmo Super Bowl on nintendo8.com. Quit trying to sneak in snide remarks about one candidate while quietly hyping another. I get it, you wanna seam neutral.

The Blatantly Obvious Loud Approach -

This award goes to Mark, a young entreprenuer in our organization. He's such a little go-getter it makes me sick. I'm glad he wants to succeed in the world, and I'm in support of people who have such a drive. But you don't have to rub it in everyones face while doing so. When you close a big deal, don't come and talk to everyone in the office about it. When your football team wins, I don't need you at my desk explaining the ins and outs of each play. When you actually get laid, I don't care to know how many times you think she may have had an orgasm. Women fake dude.

Anyway, this kid came in this morning screaming about Obama like he actually wrote his arguments. He then printed out the entire speech, highlighted everything Obama said, posted the papers on his cube, and made everyone that came by read snippets of the damn thing. He then spent a good thirty minutes going from cube to cube to find out what people thought of the debate, and then shoving his opinions their way. If you're so adament in sharing your opinion then join the Obama campaign and go knock on peoples doors while they're in the middle of dinner.

The Kiss Ass -

Every office has a number of brownnosers that take any chance they can get to move up in the company. The thing they don't realize is that their actions are very obvious to every boss, and every boss hates it. Anyway, my boss is an Obama supporter. The only reason this is common knowledge is because he has a bumper sticker on his car, which happens to always be parked by the entrance of the building. Of course, Beth is always trying to change his mind and Mark is always giving him high-fives for no reason while yelling 'OBAMA' at the top of his lungs. But these two don't annoy me as much as the Kiss Ass.

Chris is our resident Kiss Ass, and I think he even gets a kick out of being so. He runs around following our boss, brings in lunch for him way more then he should, and compliments the guy like he was trying to get him into bed. Then a few weeks ago, a funny thing happened. Chris randomly walked into the office wearing an Obama pin. The only reason this is odd is because about five months ago I remember Chris discussing who he was voting for in the Republican primary, and stating his love for McCain over and over. Now maybe, just maybe, Obama has changed his mind and gotten him to switch his party affiliation. But I'm not buying it. And the reason I'm not buying it is because he keeps reiterating his love for Obama to our boss, whatever chance he can get. Like if he doesn't vote for him then he won't get looked at for a promotion next year. The worst part is that I think Chris is still going to vote for McCain and is putting on one of the greatest acting jobs since Jason Lee in Mallrats. But again, I could be completely wrong on this one.

I'm sure you all know people like this at your office, and it may not even bother you as much as it does me. And I envy you for that, I really wish things like this didn't irk me to the point they do. And by the way, if you don't know anyone like this in your office, then you are that person. Think about it...