CBF 2.0 -- The Sequel

Some people thought it would never happen, and some people probably wished it wouldn't happen, but alas, Cantbefired is back online. Now I know what you're thinking...Where the hell have you been the past year? Well, that's an interesting topic. You see, as the definitive expert (according to myself) on maneuvering throughout the corporate world without doing any work but staying employed, I have come to learn one major lesson: If something goes awry and you know in your heart of hearts that you're probably going to be fired, then just quit before it happens. The whole point of this site is to show how to do little and keep your job, but sometimes that becomes impossible. That's when you pull the trigger, storm into your bosses office, and hand in your gun and badge. It's the only way to keep your dignity.

Well, it turns out that might not be the best idea. Once I realized that our branch was probably going to lay off the majority of our employees, I did what any sane American would do and flat-out quit. At first I was excited by the opportunity to find a new line of work that might not cause me to cry alone in my cubicle from the hours of 9am-11am, and I had some money saved up which would allow me time to find that new endeavor. It was to be a new chapter in the ever growing book that is my life, and I was excited about the dream. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned.

The economy took a dive and my chosen profession, Hotel Management, basically went dormant. That's when things got bad. I immediately contracted a severe drinking problem that ultimately caused what seemed to be either leprecy or hives, I destroyed my credit so bad that I actually start crying now during those catchy freecreditreport.com commercials, and I stole money from homeless pregnant women while they were sleeping. It wasn't a pretty end to 2008.

However, things have recently improved with the advent of a new job, coming almost a year since I told my old boss to F his own D in the BR while J'ing a FP in his BF BHA (I may have gone a bit overboard). But now that I'm back it has caused the resurrection of the only hobby I have which doesn't involve Kleenex and late-night infomercials about girls that are, for some reason or another, going wild. And that would be this sad, great website. My new occupation is returning my bad self to the hotelier world, where I am now an event manager for a hotel that will, for good reason, go unnamed. I've been here a few months, and needless to say, already have ammunition for about two months worth of reasonably entertaining posts. This experiment, which I have titled Cantbefired 2.0, will have some new features including guest posting, forums, and a Twitter account (still don't know what that is, but I hear it's all the rage), while retaining what once made this site great: a complete disregard for everything and everyone.

To give you an idea of what's to come I will be writing an article in a few days about a corporate event I ran two weeks ago which involved a giant inflatable duck, a drunk lesbian couple, and a guest saying to me, "do you have any idea what you're doing?", to which I quickly responded, "well I know what I'm doing wrong, if that helps." Things are a bit different now, and instead of being a corporate drone I'm now a corporate boss, which leads to great responsibility, which then leads to even more terrifyingly awful situations.

I hope that you're all ready for the ride, and I encourage you to send comments and stories of your own from the past year that could be featured in this Friday's mailbag. Good to be back.

Love,

The Peddler