The Cafeteria

Needless to say, I spend most of my workday doing anything I can to avoid actual work. This is not as easy as it seems. There are way too many managers, way too many IT related projects occurring, and few too many places to hide away from it all. Obviously, as you're well aware now, the bathroom is one of these places, because of the privacy factor. Another great diversion, that I will speak of today, is the office building cafeteria. Most shared office buildings have an in-house cafeteria, usually located on the first or second floor, that serve decent deli sandwiches and may have a buffet area. Their coffee is expensive but terrible, and the help is usually 2nd or 3rd rate.

Let's just say I visit our building cafeteria on the regular. I'm guaranteed to be there from 8:05am until 8:35am. I will also be there for two hours at lunch. I then return in the afternoon for a snack and maybe some TV time around 2:30pm. This can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. The food is average, but good enough to keep me coming back, and I like the Asian woman Connie that runs the store. She calls me Meester Steve and has a happy way about her, meaning I think she's hot.

Here are a few important tips when you're in the mood to spend all day relaxing in the cafeteria:

-Your boss will most likely, for some reason or another, come into the cafeteria during the day. Your first strategy will be to figure out his daily routine, and avoid going there when you know he is. That way, he doesn't think you stay in the cafeteria all day, and he'll most likely talk to you about work when he sees you in there, and no one wants that.

-If he (ok, I know I'm only using 'he' to describe bosses but that's because my boss is a male. I understand that there can be female bosses and I'm all for equality in the workplace. That being said I'm going to continue saying 'he' instead of 'he/she', which can get rather tiresome) sees you in the cafeteria sometime other than lunch, you cannot for any reason return to the cafeteria the rest of the day, you've been busted. Once to grab an orange juice is fine, but when he sees you the second time and you're nibbling on a coffee cake while watching Matt Lauer, you're in for a stern talking-to.

-Some cafeteria's have televisions, which can be a tricky situation. My rule is that if a massive event is occurring or March Madness is on, then the television is fair game, and work takes a back seat. Also, if my boss sends a mass email out stating, "If you need me I will be in a manager's meeting from 11:00am until 12:30pm" then I literally jump out of my chair and head downstairs to watch the Price is Right (Drew Carey's not terrible, give him a chance America).

-Make friends with everyone that works there. When I order a steak and cheese sandwich, Raul freaking hooks it. I'm talking two pounds of meat on that sucker and about a half pound of provolone. Do I pay extra? Pfft, come on. Also, about every third time I go for coffee I pour the French Roast in my cup, smell it, and have the following conversation with Connie, my favorite cafeteria employee...

Meester Steve: Connie, has this coffee been sitting out for awhile, it smells a bit off?
Connie: No Meester Steve, it's brand new, I just made it.
Meester Steve: Are you sure, it tastes like garbage.
Connie: Really, I'm so sorry!! I'll have to make another pot, you can just throw that cup out, I'll have a new one ready real soon.
Meester Steve: Ok, but I might as well drink this one anyway, you know how I hate to waste things.
Connie: Meester Steve, you're so nice. Just take it with you, it's on the house.

-One of the main attractions of the cafeteria is the women that enter. They always feel a bit more relaxed because they just left their office and they're in a neutral location, plus there are so many different reasons to strike up conversation. I enjoy the line, "you just can't get a good cup of coffee in here." And if they agree, I follow with, "there's a Starbuck's a mile away, maybe tomorrow we can head over there and get a decent cup of coffee. You're driving though." It works every time (has never worked).

Steak and cheese - $6.50
Coffee cake - $2.25
Free cup of coffee - Priceless (literally)