The winter months can bring a few positives and negatives that we've come to accept and deal with. Obviously the positives are the insane amount of days off from holidays, the fact that all single women are on the prowl for a new man to keep them warm, and how it's now socially acceptable to drink scotch constantly. Then there are the negatives. Such as the unbearable cold weather, the fact that all single women end up finding a man the first weekend in November and then don't leave their house until April, and how people judge me for wearing flip flops when it's only 12 degrees.
Anyway, I have a new pet peeve that occurs during this time of year, and it has to do with our office coat closet. Because of my blatant disregard for everything that is my company, I usually show up to work about a half hour later than most of these peasants, which has had no drawbacks since March. Then I came into work today and remembered why I hate this place; the freaking coat closet. There are approximately 18 employees in our office and the coat closet has room for about 17 coats. Normally this wouldn't be a problem if my cubicle had a hanger or a coat rack or an assistant, but alas, I'm not that lucky. So I end up having to hang my coat on the floor underneath my desk, and for some reason I actually own some decent coats.
This morning I wore my brand new winter coat to work, and when I discovered that the coat closet was packed full I almost lost it. Granted, I could have came into work on time, but that didn't occur to me. Instead I've been wearing my coat all morning in blatant disregard for the lack of hanging space in this terrible office. It's like 90 degrees in here and I'm in a tweed pea coat that has me on the brink of heat exhaustion, but I'm not backing down. So far three people have questioned my motives and my response has been the same each time...
"Why don't you tell H.R. to build a new goddamn coat closet!"
I don't care if it's not H.R.'s fault, but it's really easy to blame them for most of the trouble in the world. For instance, I'm currently blaming H.R. for the fact this season of 'Entourage' has been downright unwatchable. I just want to live my life vicariously through Vince's, and that's hard to do when I'm currently making more money than him. Whatever, I watch 'Dexter' now instead so it doesn't matter. I also blame H.R. for the fact that two of the buttons on my shirt are missing today. Freaking H.R.
Anyway, Ghandi didn't eat once during his fast for freedom against the British, so I'm not going to take this coat off today. I don't care how close I come to passing out during our weekly cost analysis meeting, I'm not backing down. It's about time someone made a stand in this town, and that time is now.
I shouldn't have brought hot soup for lunch. And the third cup of coffee was also a bad idea. I'm starting to hallucinate. But at least I'm wearing a damn fine coat.
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